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Where does confidence come from? by Maryam F.

Recently, I’ve found myself coming across videos talking about confidence on places like Instagram and TikTok. They mostly share the same idea:

Confidence comes from experience or clothing that makes you feel good about yourself or an expensive perfume. These videos got me thinking. “ Where do I get my confidence from?” 

I came to a perspective-changing conclusion that I decided I wanted to share. That led me to write this particular blog about confidence. I lightly covered this topic in my previous blog and more in-depth in this one. 

I came to understand that what the people in the video were saying is true. Beautiful clothes that I feel comfortable in, expensive perfume, and experience in a field make me confident. However, they were all missing a crucial part of the entire process of learning confidence, and this is acceptance. 

Acceptance plays a crucial role in our perspective of ourselves and our world. Being able to accept ourselves is a necessary step towards both comfort and confidence. We need to embrace our present physical, emotional, and mental selves.   

That does not mean because you accepted yourself, you no longer have to worry about improving yourself. It only means understanding yourself as a person in the present moment and embracing both the good and the bad while acknowledging that we as people are not perfect and can change for the better. In other words, acceptance does not mean giving up. 

Last Friday, I had the honor of speaking to wonderful women about various topics in a virtual women’s conference hosted by Nerdy Girl Success. One point mentioned was why the “Fake it till you make it” aphorism is not realistic or accurate. You can, if you know how to, fake being someone or something that you are not. That aphorism that if you believe in something and adopt it, then it will become actuality does not always work. 

Not everyone can pretend to be confident. Confidence in the long term is a skill you have to learn to adapt continuously. There is no single trick to becoming confident, and confidence is different for everyone. That is why rather than pretending to be someone you are not, learning to accept yourself and not being afraid of who you are can time and time again work in helping you gain confidence. 

At one point, you have to look yourself in the mirror and acknowledge that you don’t always know about something or look a certain way, and you may not always be able to do certain things. Understanding that can help you become a more genuine person to yourself and others; rather than sweating when someone asks you about a topic you pretended to know about, you can perhaps have them explain to you. We must always be ready to learn new things. 

We learn new things and experience new things; the first time is always a thrill, but soon we find ourselves comfortable doing that task, talk about that topic, and attend that event all the things that we weren’t once confident in doing. 

You can only learn what you already don’t know. You have to accept that you don’t know, to learn. And you learn and experience to become confident. Sometimes you have to be comfortable and confident in not feeling confident.

This mindset has helped me get through many situations which I believe would have been a disaster had I been nervous about who I am as a person. Of course, we mustn’t forget about pretty clothes and expensive perfume, but nothing beats a wealthy mind and soul. The mind and soul that is yours, and you accepted it as it is while continuously working towards its improvement. 

With that said, everyone is different, so is how we find our confidence. What are some unique things about you that you have come to accept and the things that make you confident? Think about this and let us know. 

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